Becoming Un-Undone

_{This post contains affiliate links. See the disclosure here.}

I sit here and I look at what I didn’t do over the last 12 months. There are so many empty places for blogs and photos. Even though my intentions were there, I was not very intentional. Funny how we can go into a new season in life with all the right plans, but we lack intention. This year my word is intention. I want to be on purpose. I want to become un-undone. I was ready to start rising up out of the ashes of grief and become done with the breathtaking pain.

These last 12 months have been tough. My life was forever changed. My oldest son contracted covid and passed away. Learning life without him has been, and still is, so difficult. Watching his babies grow up without him just breaks my heart. I told my husband at one point, “I don’t want to be like this in three years.” Meaning, I don’t want to be unable to function rationally. I will forever miss him and there will be moments of meltdown, but most days I will be okay.

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears, and rescues them from all their troubles. The Lord is near the brokenhearted; he saves those crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:17-18, csb

Learning Life Again

In the spring of 2022, I began to feel a change. It was like something had switched. I was not full of so much dread. I felt like smiling. I wanted to feel joy again. It was at this time I realized just how much God truly loves me. He never left me in all of the pain. He was right there saying “Cyndi, I get it!” “Daughter, I know that pain too!” This was so powerful.

It was then I knew that I was going to learn life again. It wouldn’t be the same. I wouldn’t be the same. But God… He is always the same. He is where we find peace. He is where we find strength. He is where we find hope. It is in Him that we learn to become un-undone and learn life again

All of that being said, as I navigated the holiday season of 2021 with grief, I started remembering how relaxing it was to paint. I had started trying a few years ago but laid it down to get the journal business started and organized. I thought maybe painting and journaling some art would be a great way to keep memories, but also to work through some of this grief.

Journaling A New Way

I had come across a really great traveler’s journal on Amazon a few months before, so I purchased it and had it on the shelf just wondering what use it would be other than a great addition to my journals. I also already had some of the watercolor markers. Those two were the items I had so that is what I would start with. I created the first page hoping the markers wouldn’t bleed and that the paper would allow the colors to show true.

I can’t say that my art skills are masterpiece material, yet, but I can say that the journal and markers worked as I had hoped and my Most Days art journal was started. Again, so much was left undone at the end of 2021, but learning life again has been a true joy. Becoming undone with grief and creating a business, along with life in general doesn’t leave a lot of time for unwinding and creativity. Life is about intentions. It’s all about becoming un-undone. It’s about allowing Jesus to walk you through the good and the bad.

So here’s to preparing for a new year with new opportunities and new intentions. Remember, just do the best YOU can. Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t get it right the first time. God knows we will miss the mark. But He also knows that as we follow Him we will find grace and stay on track.